I know I am not the only one craving a vacation right about now. The vacation I fantasize involves a tropical location where I can swing in a hammock near crystal clear waters with a cocktail in hand away from work and responsibilities. To be far away from chaos, worry and the mundane routine. Even a beach day sounds nice right about now or a weekend trip anywhere. Due to the Rona my vacation plans or weekend getaways are in halt until further notice. This has led me to remember past vacations/getaways and laugh at the funny unexpected moments I’ve had. I want to share some with you and possibly provide a good read for your bathroom break, or before you hit the sack or in between the binge watching of your favorite shows. Here they go!
The Cheese Burn
On a weekend trip to Orlando, my sisters, cousins and some friends decided to rent a economic suite to enjoy the theme parks without breaking the bank. In the frugal state of our young minds, we opted to buy microwave dinners and snacks to avoid eating out. For dinner on one night we had hot pockets. The microwave did not work well (it was old) and we had to warm the hot pockets for several minutes to make them edible. Of course this took forever and we all grew anxiously hungry. My sister took a bite of her hot pocket since the outside was cool to touch. In the first bite the scorching hot cheese dropped on her chin and she screamed. The cheese burned her skin and for the rest of the trip and in pictures she had a pretty big cheese burn on full display! This was the cause of some good laughs on that trip. Update- the cheese burn did not leave a mark on her chin but it did on our memories of that trip.
The Short and Costly
In an effort to be spontaneous; my boyfriend (now hubby), my sister, sister’s boyfriend and I decided to take the drive to Seaworld for the weekend. Unplanned but excited. As I drove for the start of the trip, suddenly the car stopped and did not want to accelerate. Nervously I pulled over to the side as my boyfriend instructed me to do so. The car did not want to turn on at all. We were stranded in Boyton Beach, only a county away from home. We waited in the car for side road assistance that never came. Had to push the car to the next exit. Waited for a tow truck to take the car to a parking lot. Slept in the car. Our mechanic at home called that he would pick up the car much later. We had to take a taxi to the train station to come back home. ( I did enjoy the train!) Called my brother in law to pick us up from the station. We arrived home grouchy with lack of sleep and money, just to be ridiculed my the test of my family for being spontaneous. The car needed a new transmission, the tow truck, the mechanic fees and the train expense left us with a price tag we all now remember and laugh for it was a short but pricey trip. Whenever we pass that exit, we relive the stupid trip.
The Uninvited
A family camping trip visiting the springs was picture perfect. From the swimming, to the food, and the campfire- we created memories ( like a Full House episode!) As we wrapped up a fun filled day, we prepared our infaltable beds in the tents with Battery powered fans to help alleviate the warm weather (Yeah we fancy). Around 3 in the morning, I’m awaken by my sister’s voice talking to someone saying “Wrong tent!” Confused my husband and I look over and see a stranger trying to sleep on my sister’s bed. Kinda scary. When the stranger realized she was indeed in the wrong tent, she slowly and cautiously exited the tent. I started laughing hysterically. My husband, sister, and I got out the tent and noticed the lady went to another camp and tried to do the same thing. ( For a moment we thought she was a ghost!) The security on shift helped her find her way to her tent but I laughed like never before. Until this day we laugh at the uninvited guest we had that night.
The Toxic Fart
My husband and I went on a road trip to the Smokey Mountains. It was just the two of us and we were super excited. On one of many pit stops, we went to a gas station for fuel and snacks. Against better judgement I decide to grab a pretzel hot dog. Back in the car, I ate my hot dog and noticed it was jalapeño. I really don’t tolerate spicy foods but decided to eat it for I was hungry and did not want to waste the money spent on it. I ate it. I ate it all. ( I still can taste it...yuk!) Few minutes later my tummy was grumbling and I had to stop at a rest stop because I had the runs (Shit city that is!). When we hit the road again, I still didn’t feel too well. My husband as he drove, let one rip. A loud and oh so smelly fart! The fart smelled so awful it made me nauseous. He had to do an emergency stop, I flung the door open and projectile vomited on the side of the road. The force of the vomit was so strong I got pink freckles on my face. The fart was toxic but helped me release the toxic in me.
The Armpit Horror
Annually my family tries to go to Halloween Horror nights for we love a good spook. Last year we went, even did matching shirts as we marveled at the haunted houses and enjoyed the food. The weather was not working with us and it started to storm badly. Some rides stayed open so we elected to continue the adventure in the rain. It was so much fun and we were drenched. As we headed out the park back to the hotel shuttle bus we noticed a stench. It was strong and it smelled like raw onions. We assumed it was one of the other guests in the shuttle bus. As we reached our hotel room, the smell just got more intense. This lead us all to armpit check ourselves. Little did we know, the armpit horror was coming from my husband. He had forgotten to put deodorant in the rush out the door that day ( he usually smells good, really!) It was so bad, the shirt had to be thrown out. The smell to this day still haunts us.
The Horrible High
A couple years ago, we went to a theme park with some family and friends. To make it a bit more fun, a friend brought brownies infused with weed. I had never tried weed very much less edibles. I was given the brownie not knowing how much it had, I ate less than half. Did not like it so I chose to have a drink instead of finishing the brownie. (Little did I know just one bite was enough to drive me crazy for the night!) By the time I entered the theme park I felt super weird. Ate a load of nachos like I was in a eating contest. Heard voices in my head that made me laugh hysterically and cry for just being alive. I kept telling others I had balloons tied on my back and could not rest. I vomited and peed on myself. Yes even had a chunk of vomit on my shirt, which a theme park worker pointed out. Heard voices inside my head, saw ghosts and was paranoid of going to jail for whatever reason. Ate at almost every concession stand. Felt like I had super speed. Ran like a moron from a relative I encountered there. Gave my family and friends some funny memories ( pure embarrassment for me) of my first and last horrible high that still makes them laugh today.
The Beach Pervert
We live were people vacation, so on a weekend we decided to head to a near beach with some friends. Music, beach, food, drinks and the sun are all factors for a good time. My husband and I went to the restroom area to change out of our wet bathing suits. My husband hurried me out of the restroom and told me there was a guy masterbating near the restroom watching people and we should leave. It made me feel quite uncomfortable and I obeyed to leave the area. When we got back to our friends, we resumed to enjoy ourselves until my hubby spotted the pervert again. He drew near me and informed me who he was. To our embarrassment, it was a relative of one of our friends. We never revealed it for we were embarrassed but we did leave soon after our discovery. Makes us cringe and giggle just to remember the memory.
Hope you enjoyed these vacation fails as much as I did. Eagerly waiting to do some more of them because we all deserve a vacation right about now!
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