Shitty Stories

Everyone has a story of a mishap when nature calls. Sometimes our bowels take a life of their own and dictate the day. It may be humiliating but soon it becomes a story we must tell for a good laugh. Of course we leave out some details because we want to paint ourselves less shitty (pun intended) in the story. This post I will share true life stories about well...poop. Names will not be disclosed, but it will be fun for those close to me to try to figure who does the story belong to.

The Runs: On weekends I used to run stairs at the stadium. One particular day I went I pushed myself to run the stairs even if I had the “runs”. I couldn’t hold it for very long, so I ran for the bathroom the moment my butt cheeks could no longer hold it in. Just my luck, the bathroom was locked. I was not able to contain myself and had to get creative. I placed trash bags in the trash can in the stadium and took a dump there in the open. Luckily I had baby wipes with me in the car that day. I will never forget the day the runs ruined my run.

Crappy Car Ride: I was in my car heading home from hanging out with friends. When all of a sudden an urge to defecate came upon me. The type that gives you cold chills while you are holding it in. There was quite a bit of traffic so the ride home was delayed. I was sure I could hold it in until I arrived home. The shit within me came out with intensity and I felt the warmth all over me. As I got out of the car at home, I walked the walk of shame in full glory. I had white shorts on and everyone saw I had a crappy car ride.

End of Day Shit: For the entire day I had diarrhea but was able to finish the work day without accidents. As I closed for the day, I noticed I was extra gassy. It was just air nothing to be worried about. I released a big fart. A massive one. The fart was not alone, it had company. My butt felt wet. I panicked and rushed to my car to go home. The air in the car was not pleasant. I took a shit on myself and drove with it all the way home embarrassed. I rushed home straight to the shower to rinse out my end of day shit.

Runaway Turd: I like to sit on the toilet and enjoy my time of release. During the process I noticed one turd did not want to disconnect. I reached for it with toilet paper to break it off. I was successful. I finished wiping and went to wash my hands. When suddenly I sniffed poop, the scent was strong. I checked my hands and I was good. The poop smell still lingered. I looked to the toilet and noticed a turd was smashed in the rug near the toilet. Poop footprints lead to where I stood. I looked under my shoe and I had a turd all over my shoe. The rug and the floor was a stinky mess. It appeared when cutting off the turd off my butt, it fell onto the rug where I stepped on my runaway turd.

Shit Stop: On a road trip, I had to stop in a Family General in a small town for an emergency shit stop. To my luck the restrooms were at the front of the store. I was not that lucky, for the restroom door did not have a lock. I asked my significant other to guard the door as I released the beast brewing up inside me. This idea worked and I was able to unload a massive dump that sprayed the toilet bowl. When I came out, my partner mentioned it smelled bad, like really bad. I brushed it off and thought it was funny. We proceeded to check out something small and made the line with the cashier. The people in front and behind us in line were complaining of the awful smell. They claimed it smelled so bad that a plumbing line must be damaged. The cashier agreed and called for backup to check the restrooms. Everyone had a disgusted and concerned face. My partner and I went out of the store quickly and burst out laughing because my shit stop was the cause of the awful smell.

Caught Brown Handed: My schedule was pretty busy so bathroom breaks were limited. I went to the bathroom and defecated what seemed to be a pile of bricks. The type that is messy and takes forever to wipe clean. I had to get all the crap out and endlessly wiped until I was cleared. Washed my hands quickly to resume work. Back at my work station, I sniffed a shitty smell. I searched my shoe in case a piece of the toilet paper was stuck. Nothing. I smelled my hands and they smelled like pure shit. Staring at my hands, I turned them over. There in the palm of my hand was a smear of shit spread across. My hand washing was not good for I clearly caught myself “brown” handed.

My Shit Exposed: I was in my car and desperately trying to find a store or a nearby restroom to take a dump. The grocery store on my way home was closed, I headed back to the car defeated. My insides were rumbling and I was drenched in a cold sweat. I was not able to hold it in and I felt my fecal matter spread over my butt and into the back of my thighs. I quickly got out on the next exit and went behind my car to wipe off as much of crap from my butt. I was spreading my butt cheeks without much discretion for the place seemed secluded. When I turned around, a police officer was there...sitting in his car… looking at me...laughing as I exposed my shit.

Bag of Shits: When I was a teenager, I stayed with some cousins in the car as we waited for my mom to finish grocery shopping. I had a stomach ache and had to use the restroom stat. We were parked far from the store and I knew I would not make it. I had to do a makeshift toilet. We searched the car and we found a plastic bag. I got the bag, placed it on the parking lot floor, opened the car doors to cover and took a shit. I was giggling the entire time. When I was done, I tied the bag and swung it over to nearby bushes. My mom never found out about my bag of shit.

Remember no matter how shitty the story is, always be relieved to be able to release the load of crap.