My birthday is around the corner and for the first time ever I’m not excited as one should be. This birthday marks the first birthday without my mom. My heart shrinks just at the thought. My eyes water with this new reality. If I could have one birthday wish is to at least talk to her again. Especially for my birthday. If heaven took phone calls, this is what I would say.
…
Hi mami, you don’t know how much I miss you. The void you left in my heart and life is irreparable. There are days the tears don’t stop. My life feels like something is missing. I’m reminded of you in everything I do. At times I find myself repeating your sayings. I long to do or wear anything that reminds me of you. I just want to feel you close to me. What brings me comfort is that you’re in heaven rejoicing.
How is heaven? Is it everything we imagine it would be? Are the streets paved in gold? Are the flowers always in bloom? How does paradise look? How is your mansion, because I know you got one! Is your crown full of jewels yet? I know you may not eat up there, but if so, you would be running that heavenly kitchen. Have you pet a lion? Have you sang with the angels? Are you young again? What do you do most of the time? Tell me all about this because I think of this a lot.
Mami, did grandma meet you up there? What was your conversation with her like? Have you recognized our loved ones that went before you? I can just imagine your jokes when you see certain people. How do people dress up there? Do you have a favorite outfit or is it uniformed? I know you must look glamorous with your red lips. Have you met the giants in the faith? How does King David look like? Did you ask Jacob how it felt to battle an angel? Have you discussed with Moses how it felt to see the sea part? Most importantly how was the first time you saw Jesus? How does Jesus look like? Did you hug him tightly when you met him? Did you touch his scars on his hands? How is God like? How majestic is his throne? How long did you dance before God on October 9th? Tell me all the details.
Mami, I know heaven has windows. I got your message! Thank you for that. How often do you look down upon us? Have you bragged about us in heaven? I think you have because some blessings we have received has your name written all over it! Thanks for loving us even in the after life. We still feel your care over us. Did you see how many people came to your funeral service? How many lives you impacted? I hope you did. You were an extraordinary woman. We have big shoes to fill but we are doing our best to carry your legacy.
Mami, the kids miss you terribly. We talk to them about you daily. Little Abe is still struggling to understand you’re in heaven now but he tells us “ grandma is happy now” so that comforts us. We are taking good care of them. We dream about you a lot. Thanks for those visits. It brings us peace in the pain of separation. Our family all really miss you. Your church family really misses you. Your friends miss you. Some people don’t even have the courage to speak to us yet for they are still battling grief. We pray for them because we know everyone experiences grief differently. You left a big void. You are so blessed that you don’t know pain or suffering anymore.
Mami, my birthday is coming up. I didn’t want to do anything but I know that you would not want that. You always celebrated us in any and every way. I may cry a little, okay I may cry a lot but it’s because I miss you with all my heart. I will miss you singing to me “Las Mañanitas” and saying “Happy Birthday” and “I love you”. I will miss you cooking my favorite food that day. I will miss your hug and proud look on your face. I will miss seeing you beside me as I blow my candles. I will miss your prayer over me to bless me another year of life. I will miss our talks. I just miss you.
Mami, you’re always in my thoughts. I love looking at pictures and thinking of all our memories together. You gave me such a good life. Your love was and is my driving force. I am so blessed to be your daughter. To take after your looks. I want my life to honor you in every way. I have taken the baton and continued to do things like you would have done. Cintya and Linda are doing their best and pushing through the pain, you should be so proud of them too. We all got a tattoo in your memory with your signature. Not a day passes that we don’t think of you or talk about you. You are still a big part in us.
Mami, thank you for taking this phone call. I know here on earth we were used to do everything together. It feels weird not to have you. However I know that you deserve every reward up in heaven. I know you don’t worry for us, for you have met the God that loves us. On this side of eternity we are left with many questions that you may already know all the answers to. Please continue to look over us and visit us in dreams. We still need our mommy. 38 years with you was not enough. I look forward to the day we will be reunited but I will live this life to the fullest and not take it for granted. Thank God for giving me life and using you as the instrument to birth me into this life. I love you with every heart beat. I love you beyond forever mami!
…
Comments