Chronicles of a Grieving Daughter

Pain. The absence of peace of mind.

The feeling that the current is not enough. The unshakable emotion of what’s missing.

The echos of emptiness in a room once filled with love. The longing for a touch. The desperate desire to see even a glimpse of their face. The burning ache to hear a whisper of their voice. Pain is the price to love. Pain is what is left behind when someone dies. Time is no cure. Time does not heal wounds of loss. Time is a teacher of how to live with a void. The void of a Missing someone. Memories are treasures but also cruel for they question reality. Memories are entangled in every one of your senses. Remembering their scent may initiate a whirl wind of emotions, just to crash land when it dissipates. At times you want to see them in the corner of your eye in their favorite spot. Other times you prefer to be blind to the fact their gone. Loneliness feels like ice slowly numbing you. Still memories are worth the course for they do offer the warmth the love left behind. Pain is a great reminder of how things used to be. Everything becomes a trigger to sulk. Going over daily of what’s real and what’s not. Dreams are an escape for they lure you into an alternate universe. A universe where you can find some type of comfort. The comfort is short lasting but enough to fuel you for a couple of steps for the journey. The journey you are now left to travel with one less companion. Pain runs deep and raw. Tears take residence after the laughter. What once brought you joy, now is your way to cope. Life in general looks different. Finding the silver lining becomes a chore. Questioning the author of the story told. Struggling to find the reason why things happened the way they did. Realizing your not the first or last to experience loss, to experience pain. Pain is complicated like a labyrinth, you hit wrong turns multiple times however you know there is an escape, an end. An end that doesn’t look the same for everyone. One day the pain will subside, just to leave the void inside. Or as I was told, you compartmentalize pain. You put it away briefly but when a memory comes forth, you can open the box and release it again to its full intensity. I guess pain will become a dear friend of mine. I am getting to know it too well. Some have said I have a way with words. I can describe pain as such so those who are strangers have a bit of acquaintance with it. I do not wish pain on no one even if some deserve it. Who am I to bestow such a pull in the soul. If your meant to know pain, it will find you. That I’m sure. I have a myriad of emotions running through me, but pain has made a home in me for now. The pain of losing my mother.